Drawer

Usia yang sudah bertambah. Ye, usia saya yang sudah bertambah.

Saya dapat merasakan body saya dah tak sekuat dulu. Dulu saya lebih cergas dan sentiasa sihat. Hmm, saya kena jaga kesihatan supaya badan ini berterusan sihat dan lebih sihat. Ada banyak aktiviti yang saya masih mahu lakukan dan jika saya tidak sihat, saya akan tiada peluang untuk melakukannya.

Sebenarnya saya ingin mencetuskan dalam diri saya sekarang...

JANGAN MALAS!

Tolong lah jangan buang masa, bermain-main dengan fikiran sendiri. Atau tidak berfikir langsung. I think this will be your last year to live alone. You have to make the best of it. Please. Onegai!

I'm happy at my work now. Probably because I meet different people now. I've been working at previous place for 6 years. It was a very long revenue aand I did gain much. I am very honoured and grateful for everything. Then one day I decided to send the quit letter. I didn't even secure a new job. I worked my best at home to reflect on myself. I was studying and learning and praying and thinking and researching. My mind went blank for many times. I remember Allah and my family. I remember myself. Of why I was here. I was staying at home for 3 months and I made my mother worried. I was worried of myself too. What if I did not manage to secure another job. What will happen to me. I have to get ready to start from scratch and bottom again.

Allah knows best and I will continue to be positive and do my best. I started working again in January 2020, with Allah's willing, after a lot of praying and job hunting. I'm currently still in my probation month. Now also with the world wide circular happening, nobody knows what will happen next. May Allah protect me and us all.

Anyhow, I'm studying Japanese language now. I started to study this language in June 2018. It was after I studied Chinese Character, the 800 Character book. I went to a Japanese speaking class last 2 years, I think it was from September 2018 until February 2019. The class was on every Wednesday night in Wangsa Maju and I went there after my working hour, and reach home at almost 12am every week. Then I took the first Japanese language exam, Level 1, on July 2019. I also have studied Korean and Russian a bit but I did not get through much. I just learned how to read their writing and some grammatical note. I also joined few language and social meeting in KL Sentral and Mid Valley. It was good and I was glad to meet real Nihonjin and can speak to them :')

As of why I learned the languages, many people question me. My mom was like astounded as to why I came back home with books every time. I encourage my sisters to do the same. They are annoyed at me of course hahaha. It is something that I would say a hobby that have a mission in it.

So last 2 days was 27 Rejab. We are going to enter Ramadhan soon. I would like to prepare myself. To get ready for qiam and tarawih. This should be one of the best Ramadhan in my life. May Allah ease.

Ohisashiburi~

It's been a very long while~

It's 23rd March 2020 today. Yeah, it's that year 2020 already. And it's March already.

I logged into my blog to reread something that I wrote in my old time.

This year has been very challenging. A lot has happened. I also have taken a big lapse where I am now working in another different company, meeting another person, people, and environment. Yeah, finally.

Today we are still under 14 days quarantine. The world is effected by the fatal virus. Our whole nation is under movement restriction to just stay at home. Nobody will know what will happen next after this movement restriction order. Whether it's a success or an extension. Or we'll just break open and let the infectious be part of our life. Let's hope the vaccine also can be created soonest.

I'm still and always seeking for motivation in this life. For me to always be good and be strong. For me to always walk on the right path. For me to die in dignity. For Allah to accept all my good deeds. For Allah to take me away far from the hell.

I feel like I have long abandoned my ambition. What was my desire again? I can't remember. I don't know. Was I having one?

Sometimes I will feel so tired. Just like today and now. Over everything.

My heart feels so swollen and my eyes I could feel tears up there. But im not shedding anything.

I have come very long way on this road. I was happy. I'm still happy now.

But I guess humans need motivation. They have weakness that they never can express. There could be something or someone that can help them covering up those weakness.

I seek for Allah to give me motivation. Jika pernah aku lemah, maka janganlah lemah itu berpanjangan. Jadikanlah lemah itu waktu untuk merefleksikan diri aku sendiri. Bangkitlah segera. Kerana hidup ini perjuangan. Kau pasti akan merasa susah dan lemah di dalamnya. Allah...

Berikanlah kekuatan kepadaku. Untuk menghormati diriku sendiri. Dan untuk menghormati orang lain. Utk menghormati tanggungjawabku kepada keluargaku. Dan masyarakat. Dan seterusnya sebagai hambaMu. Yang beriman. Yang matinya dalam ingatan terhadap Islam. Yang berpegang kepada tujuan hidupnya yang benar. Dan tidak pernah melemahkan diri sendiri.

Allah... Berikanlah aku motivasi.

Assalamualaikum...

Selamat sejahtera kepada penghuni alam fana sekalian. Selawat dan salam ke atas baginda Nabi Muhammad SAW. Semoga Allah merahmati dan memberkati pagi kita pada hari ini.

Nama saya Rain. Saya berasal dari Kelantan. Sewaktu kecil saya pernah tinggal di rumah kuarters milik syarikat tempat ayah saya bekerja. Rumah itu berdekatan dengan lapangan terbang Kota Bharu. Saya masih ingat lagi pohon kemboja besar yang berbunga putih dan merah jambu di belakang dan di hadapan rumah itu. Kami jarang keluar daripada rumah itu. Sebab kami tak biasa dengan persekitaran situ dan kerana takut dengan orang-orang bandar di sekeliling yang mungkin jahat. Kalau melihat kapal terbang pun melalui tingkap rumah sahaja, panjat ke atas almari. Ada satu memori bergambar yang pernah merakamkan saya dan adik berada atas bonet kereta duduk bersantai sewaktu petang di bawah langit berawan merah di hadapan kuarters itu.

Jalan Pulangku

Tundukku malu didepanMu
kernaku insan berdosa
ku adukan sesalanku
apakah kan Kau terima

Kesunyian ini sedarkan diriku yang hina
tinggalkan semalam yang nanah
lantas relarkan ingatanku ku pada sempurnaMu
terpaut aku tak berpaling

Ku bersyukur hanya padaMu tuhan
kau tunjukkan laluan ku pulang
Dan cintaMu bagai air di tandus sahara buat ku melepaskan dahaga

Suluhkan cahaya menerangi langkahku
sertakan segala kiasan indah cintaMu

ku bersyukur hanya padaMu tuhan
kau tunjukkan laluan ku pulang
Dan cintaMu bagai air di tandus sahara buat ku melepaskan dahaga

Ku mohon kau tenangkan gusar hatiku yang rawan
bimbang Kau singkirkan taubatku
kurayu Kau hulurkan keampunanMu padaku
telahku zalimi diriku

Janjiku padaMu abdikan seluruh jiwa
sehingga masanya kau seru hujung nyawaku

Ku bersyukur hanya padaMu tuhan
kau tunjukkan laluan ku pulang
Dan cintaMu bagai air di tandus sahara buat ku melepaskan dahaga

Tak ku temu dimanakah hentinya rayuan taubatku padaMu....

Terkadang kasih

Deru ombak pecah berderai
Mengulang pantai datang dan pergi
Begitu kasih insan diibaratkan
Bagai ombak merubah pantai

Tika kasih melestarikan sayang
Semuanya indah dipandang mata
Pabila rasa benci terbit di hati
Rasa kasih dan sayang pun menyisih

Tanda kasih yang abadi
Dalam senang jua dalam kesempitan
Kasih Ilahi tiada bersempadan
Tak memilih siapa tidak berakhir
Kekal selamanya

Di antara dua kasih
Di maqamnya yang berbeza
Mudah dijumpa namun sukar untuk diperlihara
Lahir dari ketulusan jiwa bersuluhkan iman
Namun nafsu menodainya

Terkadang kasih kita sesama insan
Bisa mengundang keredhan Tuhan
jika insan menghargainya
Dan memuliakannya

Kasih sayang Allah kekal selamanya
Kasih manusia hanya sementara

Deru ombak pecah berderai
Mengulang pantai datang dan pergi
Begitu kasih insan diibaratkan
Bagai ombak merubah pantai

November rant

Old time, I have made this blog because I like to rant - posting fondness and childish activity. Yah that was me and still me. During matriculation and university times, also pre-working day. :D

I've been working (doing job in company) for more than 3 years now (1.5 + 2.3). It still young but yah I too have a lot other things I want to learn. Forgive me in this case shall I change my job again. I didn't think to job hoppin nor coz im very boring. I can stay, but the place like comforting and makes me actionless how to contribute better to society and community and myself. I know I won't live long. I would like to take this chance to express gratitude to friends that come and stay with me this lifelong. I really appreciate all of you. I wouldn't reach long to where i want to be if there weren't all of you, sent by Allah.



11th Mar 2017: Surprisingly, even though I had wrote like this that time, but I didn't quit! Thanks Allah. Apa yang kita fikir dan rancang tak semestinya terjadi. Hanya Yang Maha Agung, Yang Mencipta yang lebih mengetahui.

Have I posted anything this year?

So we started off our day today with this breakfast.

Went to Tokyo. Made my lil sis cry a bucket. Terpaksa suruh kawan saya pujuk.

Singgah magrib di surau. Somewhere.

That somewhere. Do you happen to know this place? I should go to more place like this. Love it.

'Warung' makan dalam bandar.